“…Okay, I am 1000% done with this load of bull****”
This was a tweet I sent earlier today. And for most of my peeps on twitter and Facebook, I believe the time has come to properly explain my complicated predicament and reveal what has “really” being going on with me these past couple of months.
I work as a Graphic Artist for an non-government organization which offers vocational training for children with disabilities. A pretty unorthodox place for an artist to be honest but nevertheless it was a decent job. It was.
But that’s not the problem I’ve been having. The real issue is with my boss.
Long story short, in the six months that I have worked on this job, I have:
- Been branded with a warning letter falsely accusing me of bad behaviour on more than one occasion when there are no records of me every displaying that time of attitude. All because I asked a question.
- Had one of my designs ridiculed, taken away and then given to someone else to do over (only changing the font but the format was still all me) and the person who did it over received credit for my design while myself was unaware of any of it. The only time I got to found out about it was when I was shown the final results by the gentlemen responsible for putting the final design together.
- Been sexually harassed by a male student at least three times (only verbal; no assaults) and even though my boss dealt with the issue (by beating the boy on every occasion that he was caught doing it), that wasn’t before she basically told me that it was my fault, claiming that “I’m being suggestive when I wear sweater around my waist”. The gentleman in question is still at the school by the way. Even though he harassed me, he’s still there and I have caught him looking at me weirdly again. But I digress. I just stay far away.
- Been threatened to be fired by my same boss. I didn’t stay back for a board meeting and instead of proceeding in a professional manner, my boss saw it fit to come outside while I was waiting to be picked up by my dad and scold me in the waiting area outside of the school. All shots fired including the threat about her firing me.
And those were just the big ones:
While at this job, I’ve also being bullied by my boss, badmouthed by boss behind my back, accused of doing nothing by my boss when she hasn’t given anything to do and even when I do receive work from her, it goes unappreciated and is cast aside and I’m shooed away like some afterthought. I’ve also been forced to work overtime and not get paid for it by my boss, been called a jackass by boss, been humiliated by my boss and so forth and so forth and so forth.
So as you can see, in general, I have not been very happy with my current job status. I thought the last interview I had would at least give me a leg out but...unfortunately that ended up bombing.
But my bosses’ harassment is only half of my current frustration. Another big chunk of it has to do with my parents. On more than one occasion, I have told my parents that I don’t like the way how I’m being treated at this job and that I want to leave. And on all occasions, my feelings have been ignored and they insist that I stay.
This is my first job ever. And I understand that jobs are hard to get now but that’s still no excuse to stay at a job where you’re being treated unfairly. It’s not fair at all. But no matter how many times I talk this over with my parents, they keep fighting me with it and it’s just so...tiresome.
I sound like a record now because it’s the same issue being argued over and over again and despite this, I’m being forced to stay and just “suck it up” as my dad put it.
“...Everyone goes through this...it’s not only you so stop complaining...”
I’m pretty sure not everyone gets bullied by their boss and the ones that do don’t stick around long enough to take this bullshit. They move on with their lives which is the smartest thing to do. Which is why I’m surprised that you as my parents are insisting that I make this dumbass choice.
“So what you will do if you leave the job? Come home and sit down in front of the computer whole day drawing? What good will that do you?”
At least I’ll be happy. Sincerely happy which you don’t seem to care about anymore or at all. As long as I’m making money, you don’t care if I’m being bullied, harassed or being put under pressure for nothing.
If this is what having a job means, then I’d rather be unemployed because it’s not worth it.
So friends.
You ask me if I’m okay.
Right now, yes I’m ok.
I’m okay...on the surface.
But if you were to ask me if I’m ok in general.
Like overall.
I’d honestly tell you no.
I am not okay.
I am... frustrated by the fact that until further notice, I’m stuck at a job that I dislike where my boss picks on me and makes me feel uncomfortable and unwelcomed. And it’s not even the best job because I’m not even gaining any valuable experience---or at least enough valuable experience. Nothing that I can actually use in the long run.
I am pissed and annoyed by my parents’ overall attitude towards the whole ordeal. What kind of parents ignore the fact that their child was harassed on a job and still insists that she goes back there? I mean I love my parents and they are honestly not bad but sometimes I question their morales. Because any way I look at this, this is the DUMBEST advice they’d ever given me.
I am frustrated by the fact that they don’t even seem to care about how I’m feeling.
I’m frustrated at the fact that they’re not even trying to understand this from my point of view. I’m angered by the fact that once again they have referred to what I do as me ‘doing nothing’. I’ve already given up on the fact that my parents will never 100% support what I do. Like most parents, they’d rather see me pursuing something that’s actually making money. But I don’t care. Art is my passion. It’s what I want to do. That’s why I have a JOB. To make money during the day while I do my thing on the side. That was my plan for 2014.
To think that that’s what my parents see my art as. Nothing. So... me working in front of computer to create illustrations and animations is nothing compared to me going to a job for 8 hours a day to sit down doing nothing and being an old lady’s personal punching bag?
Hey so long as I’m getting paid, right?
Overall, I am NOT 100% okay. And I won’t be until something new arises from this tribulation.
Only 75% okay. The other 25% is just a mess of emotions I don’t want to have.
But since I can’t do anything to change what’s going on right now, all I can do is suck it up and pray to get fired..
Seriously. That’s how things are now. Most people pray to find a job. Others pray to keep the job that they already have. Me, I have a job and I’m praying to get fired. I’ve been working on probation for 6 months and my contract officially expires tomorrow. If I’m lucky, it won’t get renewed and I’ll be sent home. Because that’s the only thing that will convince my parents to finally let me come home and be at peace.
Pretty f**** up but, that’s how it is.
Some days you have to ride the wave and some days you have to avoid the tsunami. That’s how I go now or at least try to. And most days, I’m fine. But I’m not going to lie when I say there are those days, like last week and today especially where I’m reminded about this crap that I’m in. And it just...depresses me. Sometimes I get so frustrated, I think about smashing things up. Most days I just want to break down in tears. But I fight it back and look for something that makes me asmile. Not because I’m trying to mask how I feel but because I don’t want to admit to myself that I let this ONE STUPID thing upset me so much that it brings me to tears. I REFUSE TO ADMIT THAT.
I honestly hate feeling like this because I’m usually a very chipper person. I like to laugh and smile and laugh and smile incessantly...sometimes at things that are just dumb and don’t make sense. Sometimes for no reason at all. Just cause.
But...yeah, that’s how things are. Great, now I sound like an emotional basket case....which I’m not---I’m just sensitive like that but.... it is how it is.
So if I act like I’m sad or moody or like I don’t wanna talk or suddenly ask for hugs or encouragement all of a sudden....
Just letting you all know that it’s because of all of this.
But don’t worry, I’ll be alright. On the surface, I’m still the same LMS that you know and love C:
On the surface.
Until I’m blessed with change and freedom again.
~LittleMissSquiggles (2014)
Journal CSS designed by: LittleMissSquiggles (2013)
